**The following testimonial was presented by Amy Tubbs, a nurse at
Hershey Medical Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania,
at Felicia Rupp's Celebration of Life on October 5, 1998**

I felt honored when Kevin called me on Saturday and asked me to speak today. It is such a privilege and honor to care for special kids like Felicia and their families. They would never wish to be in the situation they are in but they allow us, as nurses, to care for and love their child and themselves. I know, to a great extent, they have no choice if they wish for their child to be treated but no one makes them open their hearts to our love and friendship nor are they made to encourage their child to love and trust us. For the many that do this--including and especially Kevin and Deanna--I am extremely grateful.

When I think of Felicia, I think of two words -- STRUGGLE and LOVE -- as her 13 years were filled with both. Felicia struggled as a little girl in a home that for whatever reason could not provide for her physically or emotionally. I first met Felicia when she was 7 years old. She had been in Kevin and Deanna's care for about six months when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The day she came out of the Pediatric intensive Care Unit to me on the Oncology Unit, Deanna quickly pulled me aside and told me about her situation. My heart broke as I though of all this child had struggle through already and was about to endure in her treatment for a horrible type of brain tumor.

My heart lightened as I got to know this beautiful little girl with big, bright eyes and an incredible smile. Despite her struggles, she was sweet, talkative and her heart was open to my care and love.

I watched Felicia persevere through treatment and grew to love her wonderful, sunny personality more each admission. I was encouraged as I watched Felicia make friends with other children in the Oncology Unit and watched them gain strength from each other. Once again, my heart broke as I saw Felicia struggle with the death of one of those special friends - Kelly. Felicia and Kelly had a unique bond as they shared the same birthdate and both had brain tumors. She still spoke fondly of Kelly two months ago when she was rediagnosed and Kelly's mom has been a great source of strength and support to Deanna and Kevin through the last couple months.

I was blessed to keep in touch with Felicia and her parents throughout her three years off treatment. I received and sent Christmas and birthday cards; rejoiced when I received her adoption announcement; enjoyed seeing her and her family at the Dance Marathon every February; and had an opportunity to spend a week with Felicia at Camp Can Do. She had a special little place in my heart.

Felicia's struggles continued when at the end of July, she was once again admitted to the hospital. My heart skipped a beat when I heard she was being admitted, but calmed a little as I heard that it was for a severe stomach virus. I was so sad and surprised to learn within the next 48 hours that she had leukemia, probably as a result of her first treatment. I was so angry that she could survive one horrible disease and then be diagnosed with a second. I watched Felicia struggle through almost every day of the next two months and through the morning of the day she died.

Although the stories I've shared seem so sad, let me tell you that this was a happy child and a child with a heart of love. All of you who knew her know that.

I believe Felicia learned what true love meant--how to accept it and how to give it--in the home of the Rupps. She learned how to be loved as a daughter and a sibling in a large family and she learned how to love them as well. She was always telling stories about Monica, Calvin, Derrick, Tabby and then Lawrence. I saw the sparkle in her eye as her family would visit at the hospital -- even if she didn't feel well. She would be so disappointed if ALL her brothers and sisters didn't come. She passed the time squirting Monica with a little plastic frog we found and Monica helped color Felicia's hair blue. She did craft projects with Tabby, played video games with Calvin and Derrick and snuggled with Lawrence in her bed. This all made her days not seem so long. Her brothers and sisters learned to do without one or both of their parents for two months and spent many hours at other people's houses or at the hospital when I'm sure they were missing out on fun things. Felicia learned unconditional love from her parents who were at her bedside almost 24 hours a day while still managing to meet the needs of the rest of the family and their business.

From this love she passed it on to all those she met. She loved those of us who cared for her. She loved to be hugged and touched and responded to this up until she died. She rarely complained despite feeling rotten most of the time. Only once did she say to me "Why am I always sick?" She kept on fighting and loving.

I am so sad that Felicia struggled so much in her life but I am incredibly happy to know that she knew what it was to be truly loved and to love truly. Many people spend a long lifetime trying to find this and Felicia had it in her short 13 years. That's a blessing and a gift that will never die.

I feel blessed to have loved her and I will miss her.

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